


Droog Really Loves Food

by Duckyqueen



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abomination, Crack, Food Sex, Humor, Other, Out of Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-11-27
Updated: 2011-11-26
Packaged: 2017-10-26 14:04:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/284130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duckyqueen/pseuds/Duckyqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wow, what is this monstrosity?</p><p>(Droog has sex with food)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Don't take these stories too seriously. not even joking. These were all written to antagonize my friend.  
> If you do have a kink for people having sex with food, then enjoy.

Droog brought the zesty, heavenly smelling sice of cheesy pizza up to his lips  
"I love you, pizza," he whispered lovingly to it. It smelled so good and the steam rose from it's cheesy, slightly oily surface seductively.  
He brought the slice down to his exposed, hard cock, precome dribbling from the tip."I love you so, so much pizza," Droog murmured. He began to rub the pizza against his hard on  
Droog was later accepted into the hospital with thrid degree burns on his cock


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slick pays Droog a visit on his death bed and fufills his Best Pal's last wish.

Slick stood over his friend's death bed. Droog had been shot by Sn0wman, that wretched cunt and he was dying.  
"Droog, I know we've had our fights..." Slick tried and failed not to cry. "But, you're my best friend in the whole wide world. Is there anything I ca do for you? Before you die?"  
Droog reached for Slick's hand. "There is... one thing... you could do..." He rasped.  
"Anything buddy," Slick grasped Droog's cold hand and fell to his knees at the side of his Pal's bed.  
"Could you... Order me... a... pizza?" Droog rasped. "Extra... cheese?"  
Slick blinked, a little confused. Pizza? Well, if his buddy was going to die, he had to fufill his last wish. "Sure thing, Pal."  
Thirty to forty minutes later, Droog was presented with a large, piping hot, extra cheese pizza  
"Anything else, bud?" Slick asked.  
Droog shook his head. "I would... Like to enjoy my last meal... alone... in... peace.." Slick nodded tearfully. "Return in... an hour...."  
So Slick left and when he returned, an hour later, Droog was dead. His shirt was open and he had covered his body with slices of the pizza. One, large slice was wrapped around his dead friend's cock, which was still half hard and was still grasped in Droog's cold, dead hand.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donuts.

Droog was hungry and hung over. He was rushing to a meeting and then he saw it: A glittering oasis in the desert of his hang over: Dunkin' Donuts. He needed a donut right that second. No. A dozen donuts. Droog ran inside  
"I need a dozen donuts," He stated. He eyed the plump, shiny donuts on the racks and felt a prick of an erection forming in his jeans. He shuffled awkwardly, impatient for his lovely donuts. The bored and tired cashier handed himt he box and he tossed a twenty at the kid. "Keep the change."  
He rushed back home, Slick and the rest of the crew could wait. He needed these donuts and he needed them NOW  
He slamed the door of his apartment, and then rant o his room, locking the door and falling onto his bed. He wrestled himself out of his clothes and opened the box of donuts. He blindly grabbed one, it was chocolate glazed, and shoved it onto his pulsating cock. It felt amazing.  
He took another, a blueberry cake flavored one, and impaled it on his cock. He continued to stack the donuts on his cock and then he hit the jack pot. He finally grabbed a boston cream and jammed it onto the head of his cock, and screamed with pleasure. He began to jizz, custard cream and semen spraying all over his chest. He finally came down from his orgasmic high and passed out on the bed


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Droog ruins another birthday party.
> 
> (I'll go back to posting normal stuff later.)

Droog shifted awkwardly. No. This wasn’t fair. And at a kid’s party too! How… vulgar. But… there they were. Deuce’s kid was known for his odd tastes, but this was crude. It was a cake. made out of donuts. So many donuts. Plump, round delicious, sexy donuts. Sitting innocent and pretty on the kitchen counter. Only those donuts were far from innocent.

“Fucking cocktease,” Droog growled. He had to control himself. He couldn’t just ruin some kid’s party because he couldn’t control his needs. But the frosting glimmered seductively in the lights and… was one leaking jelly? He shivered, feeling his cock harden and he felt his turgid length twitch in the direction of his desire, like some sexy divining rod. The jam dripped from the donut onto the plate and Droog snapped. He jumped onto the counter, pulling his hot and heavy cock out of his pants. He doubled over the tower of donuts and jammed all 12 inches into the sugary pile. He groaned and began to rut against the donuts, going faster and faster. He finally released his steaming seed into the pile, shouting with completion. He fell into the pile, squashing the donuts. he panted. he suddenly felt eyes on him and he tiredly turned his head. It was Boxcar’s kid, who had wheeled in for a glass of water. He stared, wide eyed at Droog’s form and burst into loud wails.

And that’s how Droog ruined yet ANOTHER birthday party and got sent to rehab for sex addiction


End file.
